I laid in bed for 2 hours this morning. I got up, went pee, got some coffee (obviously), and went back to bed.
I was not sleeping, or even tired.
It has been said this affinity for laying in bed is depression, or just laziness. But as someone who experiences depression – I know better. I also know that it is not plain and simple laziness either. For me, it is a biological need! As a very introverted person, I require down time. As a single mom, and Fortune 50 employee – that is extremely hard to come by. All day long I am surrounded by people. People who need me, or need something from me.
All. Day. Long.
This means that by the time Saturday morning rolls around, I don’t want space – I NEED it!
Years ago, I was married to an extroverted man that didn’t understand my need for down time. I was dubbed “lazy” shortly after we moved in together. Needless to say, it didn’t take me long to turn away from my natural needs, and try to mold myself into the happy, functional, extrovert that society requires. I carried on this façade for years. I was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication. I had no appetite and I couldn’t sleep at night, but I told myself that this was all “normal”, all adults felt this way, and it was just a part of life.
Oh, how wrong I was.
Fast forward 8 years and I have become a different person. Or, rather, I have allowed myself to be who I truly am. My authentic self. I am no longer on antidepressants, or anti-anxiety medications that I have to take every day. If I have to choose between running errands or having “me time” there is no contest. I do what I need to do as a mother, but I no longer put everyone and everything ahead of myself. Now, I practice self-care.
If I need quiet time, I inform the people around me. I give hugs, kisses, and explanations before retreating into a dark, calm, room. This allows my family to not only be aware of my needs, but to appreciate them. My loved ones do not feel rejected or assume I am just lazy.
Choosing to live authentically has created an open, nurturing environment to raise my children. By acknowledging my needs, they are growing up aware of their own, and doing so with the understanding that it is okay if those needs are completely unique to them. It is very common to hear my children say things like, “I just need some time alone” or “Can I please have some personal space?” It is important to me that my children truly understand that self-care is an act of self-respect, and never allow themselves to feel guilty for it.
So, yes. I spent two hours in bed this morning. And it was absolutely amazing. ❤